Since we were little kids, we learned that actions are what the adults expect from us; "be a good boy and clean up your room," "be a good girl and do your homework." And when we do take on these actions, we are being seen and rewarded. So what do we do? We focus on actions.
Yes, for many of us, it is natural to be doers and focus on actions.
But is it the only way we show up? I believe some of us are DO-ers, and some of us are BE-ers.

In today's video and article, I will help you identify your inner tendency. Are you leaning towards doing or being? Are you a Do-er? Or a Be-er?

Are you the one mainly focusing on actions? You have a to-do list, plan all the time, and run fast. If that's you, you are a doer who focuses more on actions than your emotions or others' emotions. Who has time to talk or explore them? And maybe, at times, it can be easier to focus on work and, this way, avoid getting in touch with big emotions that are uncomfortable. If that's you, you are a Doer; this is your tendency.

And maybe this is you; you feel that your emotions lead you; whether it is a room filled with people or a 1:1 meeting, you can sense the energy in the room. At times it can feel too much, or it can feel that you must protect others or your emotions, and that might bring to lashing out. Having all emotions surrounding you requires you to take a break, breathe, recharge and maybe even recover, and at times even take a day off. If that's you, you are a Be-er who is led by your emotions.

And maybe this is you; your thoughts lead you. You feel like your peers know much more than you. And there is so much more that you can learn. You need to learn more and get more data; you need to hold on to action before you are sure you have enough information. This makes you an expert at what you do, and many people come for your advice. If this is you - you are led by your thoughts; you think before you act. You are Be-er led by thoughts.

Which one are you?
Are you being led by your actions, by your emotions, or by your thoughts?
You might respond: "Well, it depends on the situation." I agree you could show up differently in different situations, and the more aware we are, the more agile we are to show up in different ways. Still, we all have a tendency, and we lean toward this tendency when we are stressed or overwhelmed. Where do you go when you are stressed or overwhelmed? For example, when I am stressed, I will lean toward the actions first and check in with my emotions and thoughts. What is your tendency?

Is it bad?

No, doing is not better than being, and being is not better than doing. It is essential to create awareness and learn how to work with it with your leadership, especially when you are stressed, and learn how to work with peers, your leaders, and direct reports when you identify if they are do-ers or be-ers.

So what can you do or be when you learn your tendency?

If you are a Be-er, you will go first to your emotions or thoughts before moving to actions. The value in that is that in moments when the doers will go too quickly into action, you will slow them down and keep them from getting into trouble, even risk that is too big. Keep challenging the team by asking questions like:

Have you checked what people feel about this move?
Have you checked what you think about this move?
Have we collected enough data to move into action? What's missing?
How do you know that this is the right move?

On the other hand, it is also essential to move into action, and people can get frustrated if you slow them or the process to collect more data, learn more, or believe that we can't start because everyone is concerned about the change.

What can you do differently to avoid these blind spots?

Be-er feelings

Sometimes, you assume that everyone FEELS the same as you do. Each time I send my leader-be-ers who are led by emotions to go and have a conversation with people, they learn that many do not feel the same. Could it be that not everyone feels like you? Don't assume. Ask.
Could it be that you over-protect your team and can give them more work or opportunities? Ask, don't assume.
Recharge alone – you have a tendency to give. Take time to be alone and manage your energy.

Take a few moments in the morning, noon, and afternoon to ask yourself – how do I feel? What do I need? And listen to your needs.

BE-er Thoughts

- Yes, you are a Subject Matter Expert, and probably your team too – but at times, the overdoing of learning and diving costs you in being recognized. Until you think it is enough, someone else takes the lead (and risks) of doing it and receives the recognition.

- When is it going to be enough? It feels that no matter how much you learn, you want more data and more info. Stop and ask, "with the information I have, what the first step is I can take."

- If you can't move into action, find a doer, an accountability partner, or a coach that will ask you: What is the first step you can take with the information you have right now?

Doers
You like to run fast and don't like when people slow you down. But being slowed down or even stopped. It might be a sign for you to lean back and ask yourself:

Why am I being slowed down?
What information or data have I neglected to collect that I am being slowed down or stopped by others?
Collect the data your BE-ers challenge you to collect: the numbers, thoughts, and emotions you were missing. You love a good conversation, so go and talk with a few people and ask them direct questions that you feel so comfortable asking, like:
What are you concerned about?
What do you think I am ignoring right now?
Where can you challenge my thinking?

Remember, doing is not better than being, and being is not better than doing. We need those two energies to bring out the best in ourselves, our company, and our teams to thrive.

We need to challenge each other.

When the team or individuals lean toward emotions, we can invite digging more into data and action.

When the team is digging deep into the data and is slow on the action, it is time to ask: What is the first step we can take with the data we have right now?

And when the team is running too fast to action, we can challenge them to look at data they might have missed with emotions and numbers.

Diversity can come in different ways, and to help your organization, your team, and yourself to thrive, make sure you have both do-ers and be-ers with their emotions, thoughts, and actions to support each other. What is one step you can take to move forward with the information you have learned in this article and video?

If you liked this video and article and would like to go beyond with the leadership, subscribe for more, or share with someone you think can get value from this article or video. Sharing is caring!

My client was delighted, in the past few sessions, her goal was to see how can she convince the organization to let her work from home.

"Noa, I am so happy," she said, "not about the COVID-19, I am freaking out about it, but at last I can work from home.

Many don't share the same experience as my client. They miss the human connection; they miss going to make coffee with another team member or catching up with a peer while waiting for everyone to join them in the meeting room.

"I love the energy in the room when we brainstorm in the meeting room together. It doesn't feel the same when we do it remotely," this is what a manager told me a few months ago when his work shifted to leading his team remotely. He was lost and lonely, mentally, and physically.

Feeling Alone

For me, experiencing social distancing right now is not the first time. Actually, I felt this way for quite a long time when I relocated to the US. Why am I sharing this with you? Many people feel a sense of isolation for the first time when they go through relocation. I say that not only because of my own personal experience but also from working with many expatriates-executives and expat families in the past 10 years. The feeling of loneliness is actually familiar in a time of change. Before the transition, we think we know how the new situation is going to look like, still, in reality, it looks different than how we envisioned it. Not knowing how to behave in this unexpected situation, we find ourselves in makes us feel a lack of control, and many of us will move inwardly and isolate themselves.

You see, when you move from one country to another (or even from one state to another), you leave behind your family, friends, and your social networking. In a split second, you lose all your support. From working full time and having child care or the grandparents picking up my older son from the nursery school, I was all alone. From a full-time executive, I became a stay at home mom who was with two toddlers and no real adult conversation. It took me a while to build again my friends' circle, which is not an easy task when you are in your thirties. I remember talking to my life coach and sobbing about how lonely I feel.

But in the second round, I approached the relocation to Raleigh, NC, differently. After making many mistakes with my first relocation, I felt equipped. Still, I was willing to accept that re-rooting our family and being part of a new community will take longer, even a few years.

Here are a few learnings from my relocation experience that can help you navigate through the social distancing blues.

Don't Isolate yourself more than you already are. One of the most significant learnings I had is how easy it is to isolate ourselves unconsciously when we feel lost or out of control. It is a hidden focus that misleads our actions. This is why I believe it is essential you set the alarm to go every day outdoors. The research shows that nature has the ability to heal our soul and shift our mindset even with mental health. Walk, run, skip, bike, sit in the sun, or work in the garden (far away from your electronics) - I am a big believer that nature can help us feel grounded and centered. Especially in times when we feel a lack of control. When we feel grounded and connected with ourselves, we find the energy to connect with others.
Talk with people don't text. Living in a different time zone brought another challenge: how do I find a time that works to speak with my family and friends. Not having a voice or video conversation with the family and friends while being all day long with the kids didn’t help with my loneliness. We have enough texting, emailing, and scrolling through our social media feed. Just talk with someone. We – human beings need to communicate. We need to express and process our emotions and thoughts (even the ones that tend to process more when they write or use art.) In the COVID-19 reality, when many of us try to push our concerns and emotions away, communicating what we feel and think is needed even more. Now, video is not part of the protocol. No one said this whole social distancing requires to use Zoom, just pick up the phone and call someone. My friends and I started the walk and talk calls. We call each other while walking rather than walking alone. I don’t do it every day, but once or twice a week is enough for my needs.
Have a routine. Here is the deal, we didn’t ask for this reality nor chose it. But when forcing into a new reality, we can be on autopilot and react, or we can take a moment and be intentional with our choices. From being a working woman, I became a stayed at home mom with two little kids with no help. My days at first passed by with no purpose nor joy. I did choose to move to the US but did not expect to stay home and not work for a long time. I learned that when we are forced to a situation, a routine is key. Be intentional about your day and week, even if this situation feels temporary. I believe this COVID-19 “temporary” reality is going to stay here much longer than we anticipated. So do yourself a favor and ask yourself the following questions:

Are you reactive or intentional about your week? If you are intentional, you are on the path to feeling better and empowered – you take control of some of the choices you have in your day. It’s a start! If you react without any intention, move to the second question.
What are the key elements you want to see in my week? Wants! not need or have to. What are the key elements you want to see in your calendar this week? Working out? Speaking with X people on the phone? Eating healthier, Taking 1 hour off for running errands, take 1 hour to homeschool your kids, clean your house, learn a new skill, write a blog post? Whatever elements you want to see in your week – write them down, then look at your calendar and plan your week with intention.

Being in this new reality we have never experienced before we become reactive and let the situation leads us. I call this a state a state of AwareLess (unable to notice our tendencies in those situations when we are distracted and maybe even stressed).

When we feel a sense of no control, we can look around and see what some tiny steps are, or decisions we can make to think that we have somewhat of control over the situation. Taking the time to become more intentional of how you act, feel, and think not only will create a sense of control but maybe even make you feel empowered.

Take a moment to rescan again the points I mentioned above and ask yourself: How can you move from being reactive to intentional with your actions and choices? What are the hidden focuses that mislead your way and make you feel the social distancing blues? Then create a new plan that can bring your energy levels up and hopefully change your perspective about where you are.