The Negative Bias - Train our Brain to Look at Progress for Better Results and Inner Peace

You're having a great day when suddenly, you have so much progress with the project you lead, and then when you meet a coworker during a coffee break, they are making an irritating comment. The rest of your day went well; during your 1:1 with your supervisor, they complimented you on influencing an idea in the last meeting with the team, and later on, you met with a peer to progress on another project, and you both worked well together. But when you arrive home, all you can remember is the irritating comment from your coworker during the coffee break. 

Why, when you had a not-good, but great day with so many accomplishments, all you can remember is that one incident? 

That phenomenon is called "The Negative Bias" or negativity bias. And in today's article, I will share what negative Bias is and how we can overcome it. 

Hi, I am Noa and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership. 

When you look at your passing day, your week, or maybe even your past month? What are you looking at first? 

1. What have you not accomplished? 

2. What didn't work?

3. What worked?

Most of us tend to look first at all the things that didn't work. Why do we tend to focus on the negative? 

There are different reasons; some are the way we were raised, by our parents our culture: "do better," "do your best," and "aim for excellence!!" "why 99 and not 100?" or "did everyone get 100?" these sentences shape the way we look at the world.

And today, I want to focus on another reason: our brain and, more specifically, our ancient brain. In the last few years, neuroscience research has become very strong. And what we know now about the ancient brain is that its role is to flag danger so we can know if to: "fight," "flight," or "freeze" in moments that can be risky for us and get in our way of surviving life.

One way is by flagging something that is different; the brain will communicate to us: "Hey! Be careful; this is different! It might be dangerous. Stay away."

Another way is when our ancient flags make mistakes: "Hey! That was not a smart idea! Next time you do that, you might get in trouble or lose your life! Don't let it happen again." This mistakes mechanism that our ancient brain flags are called the negative Bias.

But now, when we no longer live in the jungle, that negative bias mechanism can get in our way. Rather than focusing on what's working, we focus on that one thing in the day that didn't work and give it so much attention that we feel distracted.

For example, when we sense that someone is annoyed by us, maybe they even said something to communicate how they feel. We can sense our ancient brain triggers the negative Bias, and we will repeat that sentence in our head many times during the day, asking ourselves: "what could we have done or said differently?" or "why are they so annoyed by us?"

Another example is when we have an important presentation at the office. We wear the yellow shirt that makes us feel confident. After the presentation, a few people stop you outside to compliment you for the presentation. You stop to chat with one of your peers, who says: "by the way you have a coffee stain on your shirt. Do you want the special stain pen I have to fix it?" You thank them, but all you can think about the rest of your day is: "How did I miss this stain?" the compliments from others on your presentation disappear, and you are distracted by the stain.

So what can we do to keep the negative bias mechanism from distracting us? Neuroplasticity, or brain flexibility. Some call it rewiring our brains because our brain is like electric wires that send notifications. We can teach those wires to send new messages. The brain can learn to do that.

But this time, with our brain, the machines you use in the gym are replaced by new ones.

How can we do that? We train our brains like any other muscle we work in the gym. Like any change, change happens in repetition.

You see, what the neuroscientists have found is that we can reprogram or train our brain or pay more attention to what's working, progress, and strengths than the negative, what's not working, and weaknesses. 

Studies show that people who look at progress and strengths as routine practice achieve more.

 Now remember the focus is not on not allowing ourselves to see what's not working or even negative emotions and ALWAYS STAY positive; it is not about not letting our peers express challenges and non-positive experiences. We want to embrace and accept where we are and create a safe space for ourselves and others. And yet, if we notice that our focus is all the time on what's not working when the only feedback we give to others is on weaknesses, when we talk with ourselves and others about improving and doing better but never recognize what's working, maybe it is time to pause and ask ourselves if the ancient brain is distracting us. We might need to refocus and train our brains to notice: Strengths, Progress, and What's working.

How can we do that? 
There are many options, but I will share the two that you can take:

1. Gratitude practice.

 Take time in your day, week, or month to practice gratitude. Please check my next blog post and video to learn more about that.

2. Reflect on what's working and progress. 

Take time at the end of your day/work day to reflect on your day, week, month, quarter, and year. 

 Here are a few questions you can engage in your daily/bi-weekly/weekly/monthly/yearly reflections:

• What are the three things that worked today/week? 

• Where have you seen progress today? Work and life, 

• Where have you seen yourself using your strengths today/this week?

• What are you grateful for?

Find an accountability partner to meet with or share your notes if needed. Ensure you always start with these 4 points before you dive into fixing or discussing what you could have done better.

The more your ancient brain meets this practice, the more you will notice progress with yourself, your peers, your team, your kids, and your life.

I Challenge You:

Do you need to give a performance review to someone you feel is not performing well? That can be very challenging. I will challenge you to take a moment with yourself before you meet with them and ask yourself: what does that person do that works? What is one strength that this person has?

 Find at least one for each of these questions and then prepare again for your conversation with this person.

 I have done the Progress Reflection Practice weekly for over 12 years. Still, each time I reflect on my week, my ancient brain will try to distract me from what's not working, and every week I will delete the first sentence that starts with what's not working and refocus myself and my ancient brain on progress. Remember, like any muscle, when we stop using them, it becomes harder to use them, and the more we use them, the shorter it takes us to overcome challenges. It is a life work of progress, just like any workout.

External Vs. Internal Accountability - How to Achieve Your Goals Without Going Against Yourself.

 Setting your goals is mostly the easy part of achieving your goals. The hardest part is committing to them. I find that many of us cannot create a consistent commitment to our goals and achieve them not because we are lazy, procrastinators, or lack motivation but because many of us work against ourselves. We don't understand the mechanism of how we can achieve goals, and that's why we fail.

 To better understand our motivation to act, we must understand the difference between external and internal accountability. 

Internal accountability:

If you are motivated by internal accountability, that means that when you tell yourself that you are going to act on a goal, you WILL follow your goals at the time you allotted for it. 

External Accountability:

On the other hand, if you have found yourself wondering why it is so easy for you to be accountable for your team or friends, but it's so challenging to be accountable to yourself, you are one of the people who are motivated by external accountability. By the way, most of us are motivated by external accountability. 

Remember I shared that you can go against yourself by setting your goals? Let's see how you can go with the system that is right for you. 

Systems for people who are motivated by external accountability:

External Accountability
To accomplish your goals, create systems that lean on one person or a group. 

One on One

• Accountability Partner. 
   An accountability partner is someone you partner with to achieve similar goals; business goals, weight goals, workout goals - in a nutshell, you want to achieve the same goals. 
  For example, my accountability partner and I have supported each other's business for several years. We challenge each other, brainstorm ideas to support each other's businesses, share each other's knowledge, resource and network to support each other, and we also make sure to remind each other to spend time on self-care. To gain excellent results from having an accountability partner, I recommend co-designing what will motivate you to stay accountable and committed to each other's goals. Before you have the conversation with another person, start by asking yourself who can be the right persona to keep you accountable.

** You can find more information on establishing accountability partnerships in the links below. 
Click Here and get your accountability checklist

• Pets
  Yes, an accountability partner can also be a pet. For example, I had a few clients who got dogs to start walking, focus on self-care, or running to change workout habits or wake up early in the morning.

One to Many  
An accountability partner can be a one-on-one partnership, but it can also be a group partnership.

• Mastermind or Group Coaching - One of the ways to establish a group partnership is mastermind, or other groups that help each team member achieve their goals. These groups can be virtual groups that meet on Zoom or other online options or in person. I believe that the best ones are groups that focus on a specific topic, like speaking skills or growing your leadership skills or business.

• Online

  • Online forums - you can use online forums or other groups to achieve your goals and do it at your own pace and time with less personal commitment.

  • Social Media - Some people gain from posting online to their community about how they will commit to achieving a goal.
    Being accountable to the people who follow me on social media made me commit to my goals. For example, when I wanted to get better at online videos, I posted on social media that every time I ran, I would post a video and share my thoughts and my ideas from the run. This is how I established "on the run" videos that were on my social media accounts for almost three years.

Internal Accountability. 

1. Gamification

Some of the people that are motivated internally are also competitive. If you are inspired by competition, create a game with rules that will encourage you to stay competitive to achieve your goals. Here is how you can use the system of gamification. 

• The first step, write down all the goals you want to achieve.

• The second step is you give each goal points. And here is the competitive part: the more challenging the goal is for you, the higher the issues you will assign for these goals.
  For example, Let's say that writing an email is an easy goal for you, then you will assign it one point. And networking is a goal that is quite challenging for you, so you will get 100 points if you go to a networking event and speak with at least one person; if you talk with five, maybe you will even get more points.

• The next step is to decide how many points you want to achieve at the end of the week.

• Repeat the system each week and adapt the numeric weekly goals.

And you can even go the Hybrid way here. Some people I know use the same system to compete against their accountability partner - what a great way to engage both gamification and accountability partners!

The most important is:

1. Don't go against yourself.

2. Don't feel limited by playing against yourself; you are more than welcome to use this system with others.

3. If you are motivated by external accountability, create the systems with another person or a group. If you are internally motivated, ask yourself how you can make competitive goals to achieve the challenging goals that are important to you.

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Procrastination - Why I believe there is wisdom in our resistance to move into action and how can we start listening to it?

Well, here I am. It is the evening before this article is due. Did I start it a week ago, when I assigned it to myself? Of course not. I, like many, struggle with a common challenge: Procrastination. For years I fought this urge to put everything off to the last minute. I'd receive an assignment and say, "This time, I'm going to be organized. I'm going to start early, go bit by bit, and not put everything off to the last second. I will not procrastinate."

 My daughter can attest to this tendency. Every weekend, before COVID19 hit us, the two of us would head to our favorite coffee shop. She would work on her homework, and I would focus on writing. Writing during the workweek is very challenging to accomplish. So moving it to the weekend made sense. "Did you start?" she would ask me about an article or chapter in my book or a speech I had to work on. "I just need to work on something else that is very important, and then I will start!" I would tell her with a mother who knows it all face.

But, ultimately, we'd be heading to the car from the café, and she'd ask me, "Did you complete the task?" And time after time, I was forced to say, "I haven't even started."

Time after time, I'd end up in my office two days before the event or due date writing and practicing like a madwoman. And time after time, when my daughter came cautiously, afraid of the madwoman in the office, aka me... to say goodnight, she'd sigh and say, "Oh Mom, why did you wait until the last minute again?"

"Because," I'd say. "That's just the way I am."

 Even though my frantic preparation for these events was intense enough to scare away my family for the day, one time, I finally got my daughter to watch one of my speeches with me. My daughter looked at me, confused. "This is from when you procrastinated? From two days of preparation?"

"Yes, it is."

"But you did so well! If I waited to the last minute like you, instead of preparing ahead of time, I would be a mess!"

Maybe some of you are like my daughter, and perhaps you must start early for the sake of your mental health and internal peace. But for some, like me, procrastination stimulates a "good stress" that allows us to bring our best product. The moment I realized this IS my process, I became a free woman.

After years of struggle and self-deprecation, and endless coaching conversations with clients about this topic, it might be time to edit my business card and give it the additional title: Noa Ronen, an Executive & Leadership Coach, Speaker, Author, and a Proud Procrastinator.

Next time your procrastinator-tendencies cause internal conflict, how will you know if procrastination works for you or against you?

Does procrastination get you in trouble?

"I am such a procrastinator," one of my clients shared with me at the beginning of our session. "You know," I told him, "I believe sometimes procrastination is a good thing; let's try and see what it is trying to tell us…."

 "You know," he said, "I have never got in trouble for doing things in the last minute. I have never failed at school, or college; I keep being seen and promoted. Plus, maybe it just creates space for me to work on more important tasks?" 

 We took a moment to look at his calendar, and he said, "I think I will take care of this task tonight," then, while smiling, he stopped and said, "but I probably won't…" 

 "I love it!" I said, "a moment of honesty; So when are YOU going to do it? tomorrow?"

 "Nope," he said, laughing.

 "The day after," I asked?

 "No way," He replied, laughing louder, "I don't see getting to this task before the end of the week."

 "I have to ask you… how does it serve you when you put tasks on your calendar that torture you when you know you will not touch them until later in the week/month? You have enough on your plate - work with you, not against you."

Does the stress of procrastination lead you to create just an okay product or a fantastic product?

If waiting for the last minute helps you create a fantastic product, keep procrastinating; it is part of your creative process. Some research shows that in the "not doing," your brain keeps working and thinking and collecting different ideas that show up when you do the work.

And what if waiting to the last minute can get in your way or even gets you in trouble?

 I believe we can learn plenty from your resistance. I refer to it as the wisdom or your resistance. 

When you postpone doing something, I believe that most times, it's not because you are lazy or disorganized; there is a reason for your non-action that you are AwareLess to see for now. So, what is it that you're resisting? What can the resistance teach us if we take a moment to listen to it?

• Are you going against your core values? Your values like the north star, make sure you keep walking with integrity and follow the path of what's important to you. When you need to take on action against your core values, you will experience an internal conflict that will hold the doing. For example: if you're asked to stay late, and your core value is freedom, you may resist doing the task and check your social media feed. You DID stay, but your actions are keeping you in control of your value, or you will resent the request and act out.

• I don't know enough? Is it true? Suppose the answer is yes, you probably don't move into action because you are missing skills or knowledge. Still, at times people who lean to believe they don't know enough can get in trouble. They feel that no matter how much they learn, it will never be enough for them; this is when learning becomes their obstacle from achieving results. It is a wiser mechanism of avoiding moving into action. If you know that this is a pattern of yours and ongoing learning takes you away from achieving your tasks on time, here is my question to you (you can use this question with employees who hold this perspective); what is one step you can take with the information you already have?

• Purpose and Meaning - are you missing clarity about the purpose or the why of moving into action? When we don't understand the purpose or meaning of something we need to act on, we don't move to action. This resistance will show up with the goals you set for yourself or others. This is the essential information and an opportunity for you to step back and ask yourself:

• What is the purpose of this project?

• What is essential for me about this goal?

• What will people (or I) experience from sharing/creating/writing this message?
  
  It can sometimes be hard to find all the answers on your own, and you will need help from a mentor or coach.

• Maybe it's just not important enough? If you're resisting something or not moving into action, maybe it is time for an honest conversation with yourself and letting it go if necessary. The question I ask is straightforward: from 1 to 100 (1 being the lowest and 100 the highest), how much is this project important to you? Remember, no one sees or hears you, so be entirely honest with your wants, not your needs, have tos, or shoulds.

• Maybe your goal is essential, but not now? When I look at my plan/goals, I can identify a project or goal important for me but not now. Allowing ourselves to decided: Yes! But not now is helping up making sure we focus and prioritize the now while freeing our headspace from distractions.

 When we look at procrastination as something we don't do, we miss an opportunity to listen to our resistance's wise message.

Maybe procrastination can serve you? Perhaps it can help your creative juices flow or making you feel more in control? Time after time, my clients learn so much from slowing down and listening to their inner wisdom.

Maybe there is something you can learn from not acting on a specific task? Perhaps you can learn from checking in with yourself and paying attention to how you work? And maybe, just maybe procrastination is your intuition leading you towards YOUR way of heading to focused success?

The Power of Morning Routine

Focus. The center of interest, our ability to pay particular attention to someone or something and see clearly.

I was a machine of getting things done. If you gave me a complicated project, my brain would know how to break it down and make it simple. Like a photographer who looks at the view and knows in their head what the picture should look like, it was as if I aimed my camera lens while squinting my eyes as narrowly as possible so I could see all the steps clearly in my head.
Then one day the focus flew out the window. Having my own business taught me that it is so much easier to deliver when I am part of the team. But working on my own? I lost my ability to commit and see results.

How come?
Like many other skills that business owners must learn to become better at what they do, I did a deep dive to help myself understand what some actions I could take in order to overcome my challenge with staying focused and on track were.

One of the things that showed up repeatedly was a morning routine: from Warren Buffet to Ariana Huffington, many successful people had created a morning routine that would feed their energy and help them stay focused.

 When I brainstorm, with my clients, ways to help them stay focused, I always bring up the morning routine. As Tim Ferriss says, “If you win the morning, you win the day.”

Think less about the time and more about the return on your investment. Yes, some people have a three-hour morning routine: they wake up early, drink water, do a hardcore workout, and then meditate for at least 20-30 minutes. Some even pray, shower in cold water, journal. Many will write down their goals for the day and add on gratitude journaling and then move on to breakfast unless they follow intermediate fasting.

Some will do their emails from home quietly while others will not touch their emails until later in the day. The morning routine is their personal development, self-care and it helps make sure their energy is high and they are focusing on their vision and goals.

 If, like many others, including me, you have a need to boost your energy and want to feel less distracted and more focused, let’s review a few of the steps you can take to explore what can be your morning routine.

Waking Up
That was one of the hardest steps for me. I was (and still am) a night owl. On average, I slept five hours a night. With three little kids, I was tired all the time. It was fine when I lived, worked, and walked in the Big Apple. When we moved to the suburban way of living, I attended a wellness workshop and learned the sad news that sleeping less than six or seven hours not only screwed up the way my body burned the fat when I worked out, but it was also dangerous to my children. You see, driving with so little sleep was scientifically as if I was driving after drinking two glasses of alcohol! That was enough motivation to say goodbye to almost 40 years of late-night work. 
Some might say that to be successful with what you do you should wake up at 5 am, even 4am. And maybe you are one of the lucky ones who hop out of bed when the alarm clock strikes four. If so, congratulations. But it shouldn’t feel like getting up is the worst part of your day. Remember, your morning routine is about setting the tone for the rest of the day. You need to wake up at the right time for you. The key here, however, is to stick to that wake-up time every single day of the week, including the weekend, and to get at least seven hours of sleep.

 Cheat Sheet: Getting Ready
Getting ready for the day can be more efficient when you take a few moments to prepare for your next day the night before. Set an alarm clock half an hour before you want to get to bed. Some people will even need more than one hour to transition to bed. On the nights I know I will start my morning with a run or another workout routine, I will make sure my workout clothes are waiting for me, ready to go. Seeing the workout clothes in the morning is a commitment to the night-Noa who laid them out the night before and who I will stay accountable to in her plan because I know how easy it is for me to get off track. Staying committed to my night goals keeps my energy up, I know I am aligned with what is important to me: I walk the talk, and I am a woman of my words.

 Mindfulness Routine:
Focus is about feeling centered, it is about being mindful and aware of your choices, and beyond anything else, it is about being present with what needs to get done and with others.

Mindfulness, in a nutshell, is the actions we take to become more aware and present with ourselves.
The list to practice mindfulness is long:

• Walk

• Run

• Yoga

• Writing

• Playing (box game) or an instrument

• Creative work

• Meditation

• Praying

• Working in the garden

• Journaling

• Gratitude

• Nutrition and drinking water 

Different people find value in different activities. This is where experimentation comes into the picture. My approach, after speaking with people who teach meditation, yoga and other mindfulness practices, is that it is less about the time and more about the consistency. But first, you have to learn what works for you and what doesn't. Like with food allergies or sensitivities, when people limit what they eat, after a few weeks they can add it back and see, by tracking what they eat every day, how they feel mentally and physically, and whether some symptoms are back. I suggest doing the same when you engage in mindfulness practices into your day. See how those activities impact your physical health, your emotional well-being, and your goals for the day. For example, if you choose to wake up every day at 6:30, and then meditate for 2 -5 minutes, track how your days look when you engage in these activities and how they look when you don’t. For example: How is your day when you engage in the activity? Does meditation help you sleep better or be more present with your work? Are you more focused and less emotional during the day after clearing your thoughts and emotions through journaling? Are you more energized when you work out? If you do miss a day of your morning routine, don’t be upset. Use this as an opportunity to track any difference that occurs when you remove whatever activities you were practicing.

Goal Setting
The vicious cycle of emails. No matter how hard you try to reduce your emails, there are always more. It is so easy to distract yourself and start your day with emails. Before you open your inbox, take a moment to look at your day and set intentions for the day and week. What are one to three goals you would like to achieve today or this week? Having a shortlist of goals forces you to stay focused. Long lists are great to see the big picture, but on a daily basis choose between one to three you would like to accomplish and stick with them. Having these goals written down and planned out is going to allow you to stay focused, feel more productive, and motivated- and, in the long run, accomplish more.

 Experiment to Find Your System
There is no right way to find your perfect morning routine. It took me almost two years to find mine. First I had to work hard to switch my internal clock from a night owl to early bird and only then I was able to add on. I don’t need to work out first thing in the morning; I didn’t find it to be of much value for keeping me focused throughout the day. However, I do need a certain amount of specific workout routines throughout the week in order to feel good, feel more energetic, and to stay focused. Others will find working out in the morning to be the most important component to make their day perfect for them.
At the end of the day, we are different people with different needs. What makes me stay focused might not be of value to you. Be willing to experiment until you find what works for you.
Most importantly, the key here is to start your morning by setting a tone for what you want your day to look like, as well as to take care of yourself before you dedicate the rest of your day to your work, your family, or whatever else is consuming your attention.